I'm Back!!

After a long break filled with papers and tests and quizzes and more papers, I finally found myself in a mood to write. 

Firstly, I have learned that I am a terrible diabetic. 

I need to test more

I need to change my site more often

I need to eat less junk food

I need to bolus more often

I need to exercise

I need to do a lot of things. 

And I need to get this all in check before I leave in July for Australia for five months. 

So where do I begin?

I have no idea.

I somehow need to find the motivation to do all of these.

I know a lot of people are probably wondering, "You are a diabetic, this is what you are supposed to do, so why don't you just do it?"

For me, it isn't that easy. 

I have seen countless examples of what diabetes can lead to and it isn't pretty. I've seen the horrifying consequences of what will happen if I don't take care of myself. While many people may see this as a motivator to take better care of myself, all I can see is the terrible things diabetes has done to my family and friends. All I can think about is how can something like this exist? 

I push my diabetes away because I am disgusted, annoyed and most of all, I'm terrified of it. 

I'm terrified of what will happen to me and I am still wondering how I can change that. 

My family tries to help me but it only makes it worse when they constantly are checking up on me and constantly asking me how many time a day I check my blood sugar. It makes me want to check even less than I already do.

I have to figure out how to take care of myself as soon as possible before I start regretting it for the rest of my life. 

Arrogance

I am sorry this is long overdue, I have been super busy, but here it goes...

One of my biggest pet peeve when it comes to people is their arrogance; but not only their arrogance, but also their ability to completely ignore important details.

Last week, I was sitting in my archaeology class as we were watching a video about Native American people and how this certain tribe was susceptible to diabetes due to lack of exercise and an unhealthy diet.

Not only is this offensive to diabetics, but also to all Native American persons of that specific tribe. It was extremely belittling to these people and it also created a stereotype for those people that they do not deserve. Whenever the people in my class who viewed the video are now going presume that the tribe is lazy and unhealthy. That is not fair. However, I am only here to write about the diabetes aspect of this problem.

In the video, it explained how these people did not have the resources to eat anything other than junk food and if they regulated their diet more regularly and exercised on a daily basis then maybe diabetes would not be a genetic problem within the tribe. They did fail to mention that this is related to type 2 diabetes. They just specified the whole problem as 'diabetes'.

Usually, I can look past things like this when my friends are talking or asking me questions about diabetes. However, when a video like this is made by a team of extremely intelligent archaeologists who are supposed to be shedding light on the issue of preservation, they are not able to mention the differences in diabetes. They just kept talking about the problem like it was no big deal.

Now I may not go to the gym or eat as healthy as I should, ever, but when I see stories coming from supposedly reliable sources then I get angry. This is exactly the type of thing that makes people think all diabetes is the same. Now whenever my peers see that I am a diabetic, they will assume I got it from reasons that I could control. I got diabetes randomly, at age 5. Completely out of the blue.

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to say it.

Hope everyone is having a good day :)

Small World

SO firstly, I am still alive. My parents were not as upset as I originally thought they would be about my tattoo. My dad was mad and more annoyed now than anything, but my mom took it pretty well. She would not admit it for a while but she really does think it is cool, she just doesn't want to encourage any more. But when I dropped them off at the airport, my mom finally told me she actually really did like it. So all is good:)

But anyways, onto my story.

Today in my philosophy class, somehow my teacher got off topic and it somehow came up that his nine year old son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes back in March.

When class got out, I went right up to my teacher and told him that I was diagnosed when I was five years old and it will be 15 years in February. At this moment, another person in my class walked up and also told out teacher that he was diagnosed when he was 12 years old.
(Keep in mind that by this kid walking up to our teacher I FINALLY found out whose pump was going off)
But then the three of us talked about our different experiences and at the end of the conversation, our teacher expressed how appreciative he was that we came up to him and talked to him about this and that it had made his day. He also said that it always made him feel better to see successful college students who are also diabetics because it gives him hope for his son growing up with diabetes. He is able to see that his son still has the opportunity to become successful and live a normal life.

At the very end, I told him that sometimes even I get discouraged and I always need a little reminder to test my blood sugar and I showed him my tattoo. To this, all he said was, "This... is awesome."

It's always nice making someone's day by connecting with them on a different level. By seeing how much he appreciated us just walking up to him made me feel so good about myself and really reassured me in how important taking care of myself is and how important it is to reach out to others who may be struggling with the same thing that I am struggling with.



Also, this weekend, I met my guy friend's family, whose sister is also diabetic. They all walked right up to me and started talking to me like we had known each other for years. The very first thing his dad said to me was "Can I see your tattoo?" and when I showed him he goes, "that is so cool."
As I continued talking to his mother, she expressed how compassionate my friend is about people with diabetes and how much he volunteers on our behalf. I never knew this about him but hearing how much he does for people with diabetes makes me appreciate him so much more and makes me realize how sweet people can be.

Overall, it was a good weekend:)

Daily Reminder

So, as I have previously talked about, I have a hard time testing my blood sugar as often as I should be. Before this past summer, I would go days without testing and over a week without changing my pump site. Then when I finally met Nick Jonas, I started testing more but it still wasn't as often as I should have been.

I was constantly trying to think of new ways to get myself motivated enough to test my blood sugar at least three times a day. And as of Sunday, I think I finally figured out a way to remind myself to test.

Yes, I got a tattoo. And yes, it is real.

For the past two years, I have thought about getting a tattoo that was diabetes related, but I just couldn't figure out what I wanted that I would not get tired of. And I finally figured it out when I thought of getting "test yourself" on my finger. 

For me, it is the perfect tattoo. Not only does it literally mean to test myself, as in testing my blood sugar; but it can also mean 'challenge yourself' and try new things which I have a hard time doing. I thought about getting it in a less obvious spot but that would ruin the point of getting it because it is meant to be a constant reminder and something that I should be constantly thinking about. 

I am so unbelievably happy thatI finally got this tattoo because so far, it has been working tremendously. I have been testing at least four times a day and I am able to keep my blood sugars in check better which makes me feel better physically overall.

While I understand that everyone has their own reminders of when and how often to test throughout the day, I just could not stick with one or find one that has actually made an impact on the habits. But now, I have found out what works for me and I am happy with that. 

Plus, I am completely in love with my new tattoo and that is all that matters right now :)

The only scary part about the whole thing will be my parents reactions since they have no clue yet. BUT it is parents weekend and they get in town on Thursday so they will find out soon enough. **fingers crossed**

Whoops

I just realized my comments section has not been open to everybody!!

Whoops!!

But I fixed that so please please please leave comments!!

I'd love to know what you think:)

And always remember,

:)

Not Alone

So, recently I have been realizing how much diabetes and everything that comes along with diabetes is drilled into my brain.

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I have my philosophy class with about 30 other students just like me. We all text during class, some "take notes" on the computers, while others "take notes" in their notebooks.

Whenever there is a sound in the room, no one thinks twice about it because it is just another text message coming in, or it is just another pen dropping to the floor or it is just another athlete falling asleep in class. However, a week or two ago, I heard a sound that caught my attention or some reason. For some odd reason, this sound stood out against all the rest.

Even though I keep my pump on vibrate, I definitely can distinguish the sound of a Medtronic Minimed pump beeping, as if someone was giving themselves a bolus. I jerked my head around the room but could not figure out who it was with the pump. The next class, the same thing happened again. It took me three class periods to finally figure out who was the culprit with the beeping pump.

Now, the point of explaining this was just because it was such a wake up call for me. Especially that specific day when I first heard the pump going off. That day, I was having a pity party for myself for some reason (which I rarely do) and then when I heard someone else's pump going off, it brought me back and forced me to realize that I am not the only person suffering from this disease. It was a very humbling moment which is always good to have every once and a while.

So whenever you are feeling down, just remember you are not alone:)

#PumpProblems

So, earlier this week, I got to experience what my life would be like without my insulin pump. While I was only without it for a couple of days, it really opened my eyes to a few things.

Firstly, I should probably give some sort of background story.
I had just arrived at a party when my pump started vibrating and beeping. When I checked what was wrong, the screen said "Button Error." Thinking a button was pressed accidentally, I tried clearing the screen with the usual ESC, ACT. But when I tried that, the pump would not respond to anything I did. The buttons had completely broken. Seeing as my pump would not shut up and would not start working magically, I jumped in a cab and went home to call Medtronic who said that I would have to replace my pump.

And here is where the story starts getting pathetic.

When I asked if I had to send my broken pump back, the woman helping me said yes, I would have to send my pump back to avoid being charged a few thousand dollars........

This is when I started tearing up because, if you have read my earlier postings, Nick Jonas has signed the back of my pump, which I now had to send back to Medtronic.

She asked why I would want to keep my broken pump and I said that there was a signature on the back of it.
 "Oh." she said.
Then I went on to explain how the person who had signed my pump was diabetic and I thought it would be cool if he signed my pump.

Her immediate response was "Is it Nick?"

At this point I am choking back tears as I said yes.

She explained how he is one of her customers and how nice he is and the only thing I am thinking in my head is, "I already know all of this because I already met him and that is why I am so upset right now that I am going to lose his signature"

But then she asks if she can put me on hold and clearly I said sure. I was probably on hold for 5-8 minutes. The ENTIRE time I was on hold, I was BAWLING my eyes out. If anyone had walked into that room, it would have looked like my whole family had been murdered because I was crying so hard. It was truly a pathetic moment.

She then gets back on the line to tell me if had signed the back of my pump like I explained, then that area is stuck on by adhesive, and if the pump comes back without that sticker, then they can do nothing about it.

So clearly at this point I burst out in appreciation and thanking her so much because she has really saved everything I have ever worked for.

To make a long story short, she had indirectly saved my health, and in the long run, my life.

It was at this point how much I really do look up to Nick Jonas and how much he really means to me. I know a lot of people would make fun of me for this and a lot of people will disagree with me, but he truly is the reason I take care of myself the way I do. I realize that I should be taking care of myself for my own sake, or at least for the sake of my family, but Nick Jonas is truly the reason I take care of myself. I know he has no idea who I am but that does not matter to me. He is the one person in my life who is able to influence me enough to take care of my health. As stupid as it sounds, he truly is my number one role model and I don't know what I would do without him to look up to. I just know for sure that I would not be as healthy as I am if it wasn't for him. I know my health is not perfect yet, but I am getting there and he is the one to thank for that. So luckily, I will still be able to look at his autograph every day for support and to remind me to take care of my diabetes. I had waited years and years to meet Nick and to get his autograph; I wasn't about to let it go that easily. Little did I know, that simple autograph would be what keeps me going today. It was definitely worth the wait!

But besides Nick, I realized something else.

I also realized how fortunate I am to live in a world where resources like my insulin pump are available. I was only on shots for two days and I was really struggling trying to keep up with all the corrections and everything that comes along with taking insulin through shots. I have really learned to admire those who take their insulin through shots every day because that is definitely not an easy thing to do, especially when you are a college student who is always on the move.


Hope everyone is doing well!

:)

"It would be easier being diagnosed at a young age"

When I read different diabetes related blogs, a good portion of them say that everything would be a lot easier if they were diagnosed as a young child. While I understand what they are saying here, I am going to have to disagree with their statement.

I understand where they are coming from because it seems like if you get diagnosed earlier, the more time you have to get used to everything and you really don't know any other way of life so you don't know what you are missing. But for me, I don't think this way. I get where these people are coming from and I respect their opinion, but to me, I think the complete opposite.

I was diagnosed when I was just five years old.

It is true, I rarely remember life before diabetes. But that is not a good thing in my book. I was forced to grow up a lot faster than any child should. When you are five years old, you should not be worrying about anything except what toy to play with next. But I was forced to worry about my health before anything else. At five years old, I was giving myself multiple shots every day, I was pricking my finger multiple times a day and I had to watch everything I ate. This is not supposed to be the life of someone so young.

I lost my innocence when I was diagnosed. I no longer looked at the world the same because I was constantly asking God, 'why me?'

While many people think it is a blessing that I do not remember much before I was diagnosed, I think it is a curse. People who are diagnosed in their teens or twenties had a normal life up until their diagnosis.  They were able to grow up at a normal pace and for the most part, have a normal life like any kid should.

And for those people who think that being diagnosed earlier would have made things easier because I had more time to get used to this disease, do not realize that this is something that you will never get used to. You may learn to tolerate living this way, but it is never something that you get used to. It is always with you and you can't just ignore it (which I have tried to do many times and DO NOT recommend it). But I have learned over the years that you can't let it define who you are as a person. It can help shape who you are, but you can not let it define you.

I have always felt a little out of place with my friends because I am usually one of the more mature ones and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I was forced to grow up too fast at a very young age. While being more mature has definitely come in handy in some aspects of my life, I still wish I would have been diagnosed at a later age so that I could have somewhat of a normal childhood.

And I know that other people who were diagnosed later in life do not agree with me and I respect their opinion, but I am just sharing mine.

But despite what I said, I can't help but wonder if I would be any different if I would have been diagnosed later in life. My diabetes has shaped me into my own person and I am very proud of what I have accomplished so far in my lifetime. So in one aspect, I am grateful I was diagnosed so early because it made me who I am today, but on the other hand, it would be interesting to see how different I would be if I was diagnosed later in life.

But despite when I was diagnosed and when I wish I would have been diagnosed, it happened and everything happens for a reason and you have to learn to live with it. And most importantly, you have to learn how to not let it define who you are as a person.

Diabetes is a part of me, but it is not all I am.

February 16, 1999

February 16, 1999 was the day my whole life changed. 

I was five years old and I was on vacation in Florida with my whole family. Since I was so young, I do not remember much, but there are some random things that I do remember. 

So the day before I started getting sick, I was on a walk with my sister and my mom and we had passed a BRAND NEW playground that I really wanted to go to, but we did not have time to go that day, so my sister promised me that she would take me tomorrow, so naturally, I got excited. 

However, the next day I started getting really sick. The week prior, I had been going to the bathroom a lot and drinking a lot of water and I had been losing some weight but we did not think much of it. But then when the next day came around, I was getting so sick and thinking that it was just the flu and that I needed more electrolytes, I kept drinking gatorade. This clearly was not the greatest idea since all it was doing was raising my blood sugar even higher than it already was. 

We had to cut our vacation short, and on the plane back home, I was still getting sick (worst plane ride of my life). Then when we landed in Cincinnati, we went straight to the hospital and I stayed there for three days. 

After realizing that I wasn't going to die, it was just a matter of fact of learning everything that goes with being a diabetic. It was all a bit overwhelming for me, seeing as I was only five years old but I guess I've sorted of learned to deal with it (kind of).

All in all, I just wanted to share my story of the day that changed my life forever. I know it's not too exciting but I just wanted to share it:) 

Share your story in the comments section!!! :)

Glucose Tablets

On the rare occasion that I have a low blood sugar, I am usually in range of a kitchen where I can grab a juice and go on with whatever I am doing at the moment.

However, there comes a time where I am in my car and I feel a sudden drop in my blood sugar. Usually, I will store a Capri Sun in the middle console and drink that to get my blood sugar up. But what about the next time I have a low blood sugar and I forget to add a Capri Sun to the middle console?

Well, whenever I take a trip to Target, I make sure to browse the specific health aisle that is specifically for diabetics. While they have the "diabetic socks" that keep your feet nice and moisturized (they really do work! ...they work so well that my mom has "borrowed" every pair I have ever bought myself) and extra test kits and so forth, they also carry glucose tablets. While almost every diabetic is already familiar with these, there are usually familiar with the small vials that have six to eight tablets in a pack. However, I found an entire bottle of tablets that fit perfectly in my cup holder right in my driver side door where I can reach for easy access whenever I feel a low blood sugar coming on! Also, this hides them from my non-diabetic friends who just enjoy eating ALL of my sugar tablets....

 

These tablets are perfect to keep in your car's cup holder because unlike juice and Capri Sun, which is pretty disgusting after sitting in a hot car all day, these glucose tablets taste the same no matter what temperature! 

**Long story short, keeping glucose tablets in your cup holder of your car is a good idea**

If anyone has any requests on what they want me to write about, leave a comment below and I will be sure to get to it! Feedback is also appreciated :)