I'm Back!!

After a long break filled with papers and tests and quizzes and more papers, I finally found myself in a mood to write. 

Firstly, I have learned that I am a terrible diabetic. 

I need to test more

I need to change my site more often

I need to eat less junk food

I need to bolus more often

I need to exercise

I need to do a lot of things. 

And I need to get this all in check before I leave in July for Australia for five months. 

So where do I begin?

I have no idea.

I somehow need to find the motivation to do all of these.

I know a lot of people are probably wondering, "You are a diabetic, this is what you are supposed to do, so why don't you just do it?"

For me, it isn't that easy. 

I have seen countless examples of what diabetes can lead to and it isn't pretty. I've seen the horrifying consequences of what will happen if I don't take care of myself. While many people may see this as a motivator to take better care of myself, all I can see is the terrible things diabetes has done to my family and friends. All I can think about is how can something like this exist? 

I push my diabetes away because I am disgusted, annoyed and most of all, I'm terrified of it. 

I'm terrified of what will happen to me and I am still wondering how I can change that. 

My family tries to help me but it only makes it worse when they constantly are checking up on me and constantly asking me how many time a day I check my blood sugar. It makes me want to check even less than I already do.

I have to figure out how to take care of myself as soon as possible before I start regretting it for the rest of my life.